Posted on by sofiaseekerofgod

Suffering—Alive in Pain

Ponder this: The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with His singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

And this: Praise be to the God and Father of all compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV)

Suffering is not the opposite of living. In fact, anyone who has suffered greatly knows that we are very alive when we feel the excruciating pain of suffering. Suffering, seeking God, demanding answers, anger—these are the signs of life, even abundant life. The opposite of this is emotional deadness, emptiness, apathy, lack of curiosity and lack of seeking. This is not abundant life, and a way to avoid pain.

I have pondered the meaning of suffering probably more than I have any other concept in life, and talked to God about it for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t just an intellectual exercise. Angst can turn a person into a philosopher. In my life of work I explore the meaning of suffering with others daily. Even those who do not believe bring God onto conversations about suffering. Somehow suffering binds us to God.

When we suffer we do not feel powerful. Suffering takes us to places inside ourselves we would never choose to go otherwise. It can humble us, and help us see our small place in the universe. We have to mentally wander outside ourselves and our own lives and look at the rest of the world. Then we find we are not alone in our pain.

Frequently people will feel that no one’s suffering is as bad as theirs, or that theirs is not as bad as others. Often both ideas are a defense. Either I am special and get my sense of value from my unfortunate circumstance, or I give myself a pep talk to deny the reality of my pain. Auchwitz survivor and psychologist Victor Frankl said, “Never compare suffering. Everyone has their own Auchwitz.” If we just accept that suffering comes to us at some time in our life, we can learn the lesson it has to teach us.

While none of us would sign up for suffering, some of us—even those who have suffered greatly would not trade what we learned from the experience after it is over. Since every experience we have can offer an awareness of a different facet of God. In pain we get to know God in ways that it would be impossible to know Him otherwise. God can be for us what we have not yet needed or allowed God to be prior to our trials.

Posted on by sofiaseekerofgod

The Free Will Mystery that Compels me to God

As a curious four year old, laying on my back on the grass of my front yard, I tried to look as far into the sky as I could and see if  I could get a glimpse of God. I never saw the white bearded grandfatherly giant I looked for, no matter how hard I scanned and squinted. So I formulated my first theology.

 Rather than decide that God is not involved with humans, I decided that his fat fingers vanished when they hit the atmosphere of earth.  We were controlled by God but we thought we were acting of our own free will, and we were too dumb to know the difference.   This theology was heavily informed by my experience of playing with Barbie dolls. I figured that like me as the Master and Controller of my dolls, and they passively did whatever I dictated, and in the same way we were putty in God’s hands.

I longed for my dolls to respond in some way independent of my directives.  Maybe they would have a little party going on when I came back to my bedroom. Maybe they would dress themselves for once and save me the trouble. I wondered if God felt the same, and liked it when we acted of our own volition. So just to entertain God and show him I had a mind of my own I would periodically do things that were out of character, for me and for most people—things weirder than just eating paste, one of the more typical childhood weirdnesses. I would make up new words, or walk backwards or draw and name creatures that didn’t exist. I still don’t know how God felt about this but my family still calls me “weird”.

As I grew I realized my four year old questions are the same as those of the most educated theologians for centuries—the mystery of free will versus predestination.  I read passages in the  Bible that point toward God’s involvement in our will like Proverbs 21:1 (NIV), “in the Lord’s hand the King’s heart is a stream of water that he channels toward all who please him.” 

On the other hand. The Bible points out our free will, like in Galatians 5:13 (NIV) which says, ”you, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather serve one another humbly in love.” This implies we have choices and are responsible for the decisions we make.

So I still don’t know the answer to these questions despite a lifetime of research, college, seminary and the rough and sometimes delightful classroom of life. But I still lay on my lawn and look toward heaven trying to find God. This is a blog about my search for truth, wisdom and joy by relationship with God. I don’t have answers to my theological questions but I do know I have grown in love, joy and peace in God as I traverse my inner and outer life. I am writing this to invite you to ponder God in ways that may help you cope in times of suffering and to open yourselves to love, peace and immense joy.